The Unwritten Rule Read online

  “That’s because he was at home, helping and all that. My father paid me to paint the garage. Great. Now it sounded like a girl room. My father paid me to paint the garage! I had no life! “I painted it too,” he said. Casas, I mean. No paint, paint. I did something about it, but most were home, as I said. I relaxed a little more time. Despite their appearance, he was still Ryan. “So that’s how you get those muscles I said, and pushed his arm. He shrugged, blushing a little. Imagine a boy. He is a little higher than you, with perfect skin, skin that just screams - touch me! ? And dark hair and beautiful blue eyes and he looks so sweet, and is so sweet. And then keep that a little flushed. Surely you can understand why I dropped the book he was still holding. He stooped to pick it up at the same time as me, and for a moment we were so close I could have bent and kissed him. “Here,” he said, handing me the book. We were still so close, and he was looking at me, smile in his eyes darkening into something deeper, more intense. “Thanks,” I said, though I bet that sounded more like “Geratyuhrh ?, and then reached the book and he handed it to me, their hands touching mine for a moment. And then he said “Sarah ?, and took my hand again. I looked down, my fingers were stained with a dark green that my father wanted for the garage, and his hands were also stained, white and yellow, and the book slid to the floor as he did more than touch my hand. He held, and slid his fingers in mine. Our palms were pressed together, and all I could think of was a line I had read somewhere, about palms pressed together like a kiss, and he still looked at me and then we stood, still holding hands, and was close, so close, and was leaning, and I could not breathe, I could not move, could only watch and wait, hoping to breath and moved closer and closer and …

  “Sarah, you will not believe what I heard it would play. It’s … oh, “said Brianna, and stopped talking. Ryan looked straight, and smiled the smile she gave when she saw a boy who wanted to see. “Hey, you,” she said, and was gorgeous, tanned, tall and beautiful, her black hair curled around her heart shaped face, and saw Ryan smiled back. “Hi, Brianna, he said. - What have you been doing this summer? Come and tell me all while I go to the store for some sodas, “she smiled. I have to go a little bit. A story about camping and start screaming. I swear. I wish I could go. “I know, I said, because he had been there when his mother told him no, and tried not to notice that my hand was no longer playing Ryan. Not only bring grape soda, right? “No grapes would just … well, okay, I would. But I will, “she said, and put his arm around Ryan as he drove out of the room, leading to her as only she could, and by the time they returned with a few six-packs of soda, their mouths were slightly purple. Brianna smiled at me, a pleasant and bright smile, and said, “Ryan likes grape soda, too ? while throwing me a root beer and said: Here is your favorite. ? Mine too, actually,” said Ryan, but I was watching as he did. Brianna was looking a little puzzled, a little stunned, and I knew he was not going to turn. I looked, and was smiling the smile she wore when I saw a guy he wanted, and that’s when I knew I would get it because that was what she was and what she did. I saw it already had. I went into the kitchen to drink my root beer. Poured me a glass, put in ice, and waited for the excitement is dissolved. Delaying tactics, and for the moment I took it and went back to where Brianna was, she and Ryan were sitting together talking.

  Brianna was nodding intently, as if everything he was saying it meant the world to her. Ryan still looked slightly

  but then I looked dazed and started to say something, and then Brianna touched her face and kissed him in front of everyone. And there it was. He was hers. He could have spoken to me first. Might even have held my hand first. But that did not matter. Except for me.

  Five

  I take the long way home because I do not want to be thinking of Ryan and Brianna when you get there. I do not want to play, and if … ? as I’ve done more than half of the time. I want to be happy for Brianna and nothing else. But when I get home, Ryan’s car at the entrance. I stand beside him, twisting my stomach while my heart (stupid, traitor) is stirred in my chest, making me dizzy. I look at the porch and I see my father sitting there, Brianna and Ryan, the three partially illuminated by the large area of ground glass that my mother won second place as a finalist in the competition Better Homes and Lifestyles of mezzanines to Super frames dinner (She made mini-meat loaves with honey and mustard glazed ham and corn cakes with chili honey butter. Number of times I ate for dinner: about sixty. It was good: the first forty times. The last twenty were hard, but my mother likes to meet their recipes inside and out). I look at Ryan and Brianna, I did see them, myself and my heart stopped fluttering because that is how things are. This is the reality. But why are you here? “Hi, Sarah Bear,” said my father, getting up and hugging me as if I had six and not seventeen. Sigh but I return the hug, happy that he is fearful for his bad hip. - Why are you on the porch? I ask, and then looked at Brianna. And how did you get there before me? Brianna gets her eyes.

  “You drive like an old man, Sarah, she looks at my father. No offense, Mr. E. “No way,” he says, his hair tousled. I hate when I do it to me because it reminds me that my hair is not as bright and it looks so good, but it seems as if someone had ruffled all the time. Brianna likes, but it always has, and cut it with a shy smile before he turned to Ryan and curl an arm around her shoulders. “Anyway,” she says. We’re here to kidnap you. It’s Friday night and my best friend can not sit home alone. That is, you do it all the time! I try not to flinch on this but I do. Brianna is right, but still hurts … and after that my father added: “Sarah Bear, you have to stay home until one, you know, and also no need to waste time at home tonight - he smiles at me. Not unless you want to hear my lecture on jurisprudence. Or remind me of my pills for arthritis, your mother has already done twice before you even tell that I took. My father is great for a father was fifty when I was born, and retired from practicing law for seven years and now teaches part time at the University of Crestwood. I like a lot, but I know he misses being a lawyer. Have rheumatoid arthritis, which means your immune system attacks your joints, or, as it always reminds me, the joint tissues. (I do not see the distinction. All I know is that it is very bad and it hurts). It ended up being so bad he could not work more than full time, and he had to leave. I know what I mean my mother is asking for their pills and look at it. - How is your hip? “It’s still attached to my body,” he says with a smile, and looked down at the shoes I’m wearing because I know they are suffering and wish there anything I can do. For him. But I can not. The shoes I’m wearing is one of my favorite pairs: bright pink, with the lining and tongue with an impression of a white skull and black seams and black soles and laces bright pink. Seeing them made me feel no better.

  The thing about my father leaving the firm for years meant that his arthritis became a matter of occasionally-sometimes had terrible attacks, and then went and it felt good, in pain quite often. Its actually dislocated hip last year, and although it was fixed, the bone of his hip still is eroded. I like to think too much. It is frightening to think that your bones are being eroded by your own body. It is frightening to think about how sick your father … and how much worse can get. I do not want that to happen. I like having my father and my mother at home all the time. Around all the time. It has actually been home since I can remember my mother … She has a doctorate in medieval history, but left trying to find a job after post-doctoral positions that were not anywhere, and found the kitchen and after competitions. Basically they spend much time with my parents, but the fact is … I like it. I like them. My parents would not change anything, so I’m worried about my father, whose arthritis is not improving, or staying the same, despite their pills. He went from walking five miles a day to three or less. And in the very bad days, do not walk at all. “Then,” Brianna said, waving a hand before my eyes. As I said, we’re kidnapping. Ryan, quick, grab and go! I move, getting up and Ryan did not feel like you have to touch me. I try not to watch it as I do, but I can not help see that he’s watching me. Drink and my father laughs, s
ays, “Sarah Bear, I do not think Ryan will get hurt. In fact, I’m not sure he can get up. “Thanks, Dad” I said and he shook his head and said, “Oh, no, no, no I meant … well, you’re thin. Sarah Bear. You know. I mean, Ryan is very big … not that you are able, I am sure Ryan. But do not look like the guy who runs to catch up, cleared his throat. Well why not go in and see if your mother needs help? “Dad said, half embarrassed, half worried about him, but when I open the door, I shook my head and said:

  “Go, go, have fun.

  -Be sure to take the pills, “said Brianna, and my father smiled and said,” Yes, really take my medicine, and ruffled his hair before entering. “He’s cute,” said Brianna, and took my hand. Come now, Sarah Bear, bring your little behind the game. “I’m not small,” I said, looking at Brianna when I drove to Ryan’s car. I have … small bones. What I meant was that he had no chest, had no back, and usually the body of a girl of twelve, to the fact that my foot was small. What would be nice if I had twelve years. But it’s not good when you have seventeen and your best friend is the kind of body that makes men do things like stop or even see if it is with another girl. “You’re tiny,” said Ryan after me, and Brianna said, “Wherefore should get a new car. I mean, Sarah still does not fill the room, I smiled as I got into the backseat. Look, she almost lost back there. A new, smaller car could be more comfortable for her. “Yes, Captain Tiny is drifting to return,” I said as I put the seat belt. - What, no more girl on board? Ryan said, his smile disappeared before getting into the front seat, and I know he was thinking about the class trip we took last year, when the two get dizzy and went and came back-to-lane shared misery. I blushed with satisfaction and fear. “You two are rare,” said Brianna, “but I still like. “Thanks,” said Ryan and I at the same time, and Brianna laughed and started kissing Ryan’s neck. I rested my hands on my knees and watched, and saw the little lights that appear when you drive. “Okay, well, me breakaway Brianna said after a moment. “I do not … I’m driving, “said Ryan. - Can not you take a second and kiss me? “No, I mean, I … I’m driving and this car is, you know.

  I looked at my hands. As much as I did not like walking around with Ryan and Brianna when they were kissing, it was much worse. And the reality is that these are tense times more common than kisses, have been long indeed. “Ok, you’re driving,” said Brianna, and I heard how much he tried to sound happy. Can you think of me for at least a better one? “I like my car. “It’s not yours. “It’s mine. “Sarah does not even have a car, then the car can not be who you are,” said Brianna. Right, Sarah? “I … Well, it is assumed that my mother is getting somewhere, “I said, with the tension I felt, and in the car that ate me inside,” but then that would make you orange and timing. So I do not know. Brianna looked at me briefly, and I could tell she was upset because I did not agree with it. I leaned forward to try to do something, say something, but she seemed to Hawaii and put on some music. Found a song he liked and went up so high that the car windows were practically vibrating. So strong that nobody could say anything.

  Six

  The party is in the basement of someone, one of those things hey-we-did-this-for-what-you-guys-not-destroy-the-home. Is one of those machines you could want, but of course nobody cares because everyone is too busy dancing or wasting time with the game of croquet that someone has found and installed. Brianna walks directly to the dance floor, and Ryan and I ended up playing croquet for a while. I make sure not to stand next to him, because … well … because. Tommy comes to me when I’m done and I feel my millionth turn and I’m hoping to go again. “Hello,” he said. Look. “Hey, Tommy,” I said, I saw him smile. He really looks good, and it smells … well, it smells like after the aftershave. My father’s aftershave. “You look great,” he says, only looking at Brianna as he says this, and I have to say that, although rarely be complicated by a guy who smells like my father, I really feel bad for Tommy. Brianna was with him nearly a week last year, so she decided that it wanted to go ahead. He did not. Most guys do not Brianna. I mean, do not walk behind her in school or something, but you know, even when they are with someone else, that if she was interested again, they have been running back. She has this way of doing, that the guy loves her more than she wants it, the kids love her forever and it is possible to think of it even when it has gone with someone else. “So, you want to sit down or something? Tommy said, and I shrugged my shoulders, letting my deck.

  Let’s sit in lawn chairs have been placed in a semicircle around the edge of the croquet set. At first glance, he’s nervous, but then asked about his band, Brianna remember complaining about it, and soon he no longer is made and released. I like the music, although I’m not sure that Tommy’s Banana Brain Pain necessarily qualify as that. However, I like the name. He told me he would give me a shirt when I said that, and then begins to tell me about their ironic cover of a song about a boy band that I remember loving when I was at first. “So, how has been Brianna? “He says. And I look at it, trying not to look at her. Poor guy. “She’s fine,” I say, and hit Tommy with my elbow. She always liked your band. - Really? Seat and smile at that, broadly and very happy because I’ve been smiling all the time he has been with me. I look around and find Laura Kirst looking. - You know who else you really like your band? “I say. Laura. - Does she? “Yeah. You know, you should go to talk about that song “I say. She will love it. “She will. Laura only wears t-nineties, and if anyone else would love to hear about an ironic cover of a boy band, is it. He is also obvious that she thinks that Tommy is cute. “No,” said Tommy, but he’s seeing now Laura, and she returned a shy giggle. I see him looking at me, and then he smiles back. “Hey, I’ll take a drink” I say. Do you see there? “Yes” answers. And while I’m looking for a root beer, and I have to settle for a Coca-Cola, I see him sitting near her. She looks really happy and he is not even looking at Brianna. (Well, once, but only for a second.) “So, Tommy and Laura? Ryan says, and looked at him, alarmed.

  “It seems so,” I say, and took a sip of Coca-Cola before I stop to look at him. She always likes to hear about your band. “I thought you liked him. Effort a laugh. “No, he just likes to talk about … we just talk sometimes. - Do you always find girls to the boys who still like Brianna? I watch to see if he looks jealous or angry about that Tommy likes Brianna. He did not sound like that and not look angry at all. He’s smiling. And looking at me. “I do not …” I say, and then fade away my voice, because he has raised the eyebrow with the scar and I just … I just want to lean toward him. Now, here in front of everyone. In front of my best friend. You should go dancing with Brianna, “I say, and I move a little away from him, shaking my hands tightly wrapped around my soda. “I really do not dance like her. You know that. - Who can? “I say, ignoring the last part of what he says because I have to. I can not think of him dancing. Only I can not. The mention of that boat ride last year was enough to keep hoping and … No. Do not do that. I look at Brianna swinging her hips, smiling while pulling her hair back and hip range, something I could practice in my room and even thousands of hours never master it, and added, “Besides, Brianna does not care. She likes you, she likes everything about you. “Except my car,” he says. “Well, but. “And my hair. Rio, sure he’s joking, but he does not laugh either, and I turn into a kind of cough and took another sip of soda. - What is wrong with your hair? “I know I should drag it to see Brianna and move their hands around it, but that’s what comes in place. And she can not really not like her hair. No?

  “She said it was too long,” he says, dragging a hand through it and see it fall on its face, the end of it keeps falling over his eyes, smooth dark waves would love to play. “Oh, I say, because I can not touch your hair or say that I think looks great because I’m the best friend and he is her boyfriend. I do not know why Brianna asked me to come home and see that movie with them or bring me to this party, but I know I want to go home and not think about how much I wish Ryan and I stood here talking about something real Instead of talking about him and B
rianna. “I’m very tired,” I say. You should probably go. And try to fake a yawn and prevent credible shake my soda. “Wait, I’m going to tell Brianna says, and shit, came with them. I should have said I had to go talk to someone and get a ride with them. I do not want to go to Brianna and Ryan, I do not sit in the car with them, they want to see … “Sarah, will you go? Brianna says, coming up behind me and throwing her arms around me. Even sweating, she looks beautiful. Why? I can not say “Because I want to throw your boyfriend and is exhausted and wanting to feel guilty about it at the same time, ? so I just say,” I’m tired. Sorry. I’m tired. “Just spending time with us for a while, okay? There is something in his voice and I look, but she is turning its face and is seeing all dancing. I can not. I will find someone and take a walk, still call me tomorrow “I say, and hit my hip against hers. “I’ll take you home,” says Ryan, and look at him in surprise. He has his hands in his pockets, his face a little flushed, and Brianna said: “Yes, go with Ryan, OK? -And then gives me a hug. Ask him why he did not want to spend time with me, “he whispers as he puts his arms around me. He even does not care that I’m dancing with guys you used to date, and at first this thing was great not-jealous, but now is … do not know. Also tell him to cut his hair.

  She returns to the group of people who are dancing, turning to Ryan before she turn into one of his ex, Greg, that looks very happy to see her.

  I turn to Ryan, ready to tell him he need not worry about me, I’ll be able to find a ride home and that he should spend time with Brianna, but he is not watching. She’s right, he is not jealous. That has never happened before. - Ready to go? She says, and I nod, confused and something … and stuff. Things that should not be feeling. But that I feel in any way.